| DO IT. |
[Jun. 28th, 2004|10:52 pm] |
do it. you know you want to.
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. .
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2004|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
spent the evening at stevie's tonight. she told me i look like ashlee simpson? what the hell. haha. and she was entertained by the fact that i can fit my fist in my mouth.
i finally talked to Raul today, after far too long. it was so good to talk to her about everything that's been going on. i wish more than anything that i could see her more, because i need her so much. i don't know what in the world i would do without her. Raul, i must see you SOON. i was thinking, maybe Chuck E. Cheese, like the good old days? we can cram ourselves into the little car while a small mexican child watches in awe. i will call you tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2004|11:51 am] |
yesterday stevie and i went to pioneer place. it was excellent. my favorite part was a conversation i had with a middle aged black man. i would love to share it with you now.
(we were walking right outside of pioneer square)
man: *to stevie* why you lookin' so mean? come here! i ain't gonna bite you. why you lookin' so mean? you got such a pretty face!
stevie: i'm just tired.
man: you tired? i been workin all day! whatchu been doin? shopping?
stevie: yeah.
man: you don't know nothin bout bein tired! (then he asked our names and shook our hands and told us his name; i don't remember it but it started with an R)
man: *he sees my shopping bag from Wet Seal* "what did you buy?"
me: skirts.
man: i aint never heard of that store.
me: it's a good one.
man: is it one of them hoochie mama stores?
me: yes.
man: are you a hoochie mama?
me: yes.
man: are you a material girl?
me: definitely.
man: there ain't nothin wrong with that.
then we talked about our school for a while for some reason. then stevie pulled out her cell phone.
man: oh her people is callin her! Meagan, where's your cell phone?
me: i don't have one.
man: yeah you don't need one. playas don't need one. you don't need people callin asking where you at.
me: yeah, if they want me they can find me!
man: damn right! how old are you?
me: 16.
man: you 16? wow you look 18. you got *makes breast cupping motions with hands*.
me: hahah yes
so we talked a little while longer and then he let us go, but not without a hug first! it was funny; he was a nice guy. hahahah.
yeah but i did get two cute skirts. they were buy one get one free, so how could i pass that up? i just love downtown. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|04:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Norah Jones - One Flight Down | ] |
this week i have been working at my job as a baby sitter for two children; one is 12 and the other is 7. it is not fantastic. the seven year old is the "look at me! watch me do this!" type. and she's rude too. if i say i like something, she'll say in a snotty tone "why do you like THAT?" and if i try to explain it to her she just keeps asking "why?" its horribly obnoxious. the twelve year old is ok though; she's funny. i'm getting paid 15$ a day, which is pretty crappy, but i am glad i am earning some money to spend.
lindsay landstrom is a total douche. we were supposed to hang out and go downtown today so i was on the phone with him and we were working out the time we would go. i was still babysitting and i didn't know what time i would be home since i wasn't sure when the dad would be home. we were gonna meet at the transit center, but i suggested that my mom just come and pick him up so he wouldn't have to wait for me. he goes, "nah. we won't be doing that. my stepmom's home." i said "so what?" and he says "i think you know." so it finally hit me that he is not telling them that it is ME that he would be hanging out with!!! and he really doesn't want them to know!!! so i was like "you're kidding." he said no. so i was PISSED. so i told him i'd call him when i got home. so i did, and i told him exactly how i felt. i told him how it makes me feel disrespected when he acts like we're not friends. he was like "my parents are extremely judgemental." what do they have to judge me about??? he says "they just don't understand." "they don't understand what???" "they JUST DONT UNDERSTAND, OK?" "well can't you MAKE them understand???" he hangs out with his girl-friends from putnam all the time and his parents don't seem to have a problem with that. i don't know what the deal is, but i don't like it. and i am not going to tolerate it. i told him we were going to reschedule and he said ok, and that i should call him when i felt like hanging out. i told him that this is in his hands and he can call me when he feels ready to hang out with me and be mature about it. he said "there's nothing i can do to make you understand this so i'm just going to stop trying." whatev.
so another night at home for me. that's fine, i suppose.
it was my understanding that the movie De-Lovely was to open today, but evidently i was mistaken; it does not open until next week. i am disappointed; i was looking forward to seeing that. it's not getting great reviews, but i don't care because i absolutely love Cole Porter, and i am anxious to see that movie. is anyone else interested in going?
i am going to go clean my room and make some lists maybe. lets hear it for weekends!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2004|10:15 pm] |
oh, and i did not forget:
Happy Birthday Stefante!!!!!!
have a good one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2004|05:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irate | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cake - Long Line of Cars | ] |
i'm pissed. when stevie and I went downtown the other day, i was wearing shorts that did not have pockets, so i had stevie hold my money for me. well we got home and changed our clothes and when i was leaving her house, i said i needed my money back. she had changed out of the shorts that the money was in and they were downstairs so she said "oh i'll give it to you tomorrow." so i was like whatever. i trust her. soooo she calls today and is like "i can't find your money." so i told her that she WILL find it. it's 10 dollars. i'm not just gonna let that go. she says she searched her room and still can't find it. well, whatever, i will get that money back somehow. or i will be super pissed. i will not forget.
so then we were gonna go see a movie tonight. the movie i want to see is playing only at Century 16. well, then it turns out that stevie doesn't have any money, except some spare change. alright well that's cool. so then she determines that she can find some money. ok. "well how will we get there?" the bus. her mom says thats not ok. *sigh*
see here's something that irritates me. i hate when people don't know how to save money. it bothers me when i call a friend or something and see if they want to do something and they're like "oh i have no money, i spent it all at 7-11 the other day" or something stupid like that. and something else that bothers me just as much is when people refuse to take the bus. i don't know what their reasons are, maybe they're just scared, or they think it's dirty, or whatever. but it's STUPID. i have several friends who refuse to take public transportation, and it severely limits our options of what to do. "lets walk somewhere instead, lets walk to the marketplace or something." fuck the stupid market place, i'm there three times a week anyway purchasing necessities. i don't want to spend my free time there, there is NOTHING THERE TO DO!!!! you can only go to dollar tree so many times before it becomes ridiculous. the marketplace SUCKS. almost as much as WALKING there does. especially in 90 goddamn degree weather. here's a better idea; lets pay one dollar, hop on an airconditioned bus that will take us downtown to one of the many interesting places there, or to a lesser extent, lets hop a bus to town center. "oh wait, did you say bus? lets not. how about we walk to albertsons and buy some triscuits!!!!!" FUCK YOU!!!!!
i am completely IRATE!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2004|10:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a cacophony of hip-hop from the movie "you got served" | ] |
today was awesome. my good pal Stevie and i went and played in the fountains outside of the Rose Garden because it was so damn hot. then people started showing up for the Kenny Chesney concert that is/was tonite, so we went to Lloyd Center and got some foods.
when we were on the bus going there, these two dudes sat behind us and kept asking us for our numbers and telling us we were beautiful. one was like 16 and the other was like 20. The older one looked like a skinnier version of that Steve guy at our school who always used to talk to me (you guys remember him, right?). They were nice enough, but obnoxious, and the younger one didn't know what the word "vague" meant. They asked us to go to a movie with them but we turned them down. We were afraid they were going to follow us and just get off where we did, but alas, they did not, and we were relieved.
In that parkish area outside of Lloyd center we were walking and there were three black guys in front of us walking slowly and one of them kept adjusting his pants or something? so we tried to walk around them and one guy says to the one that is messing with his pants "hey let the ladies get by. don't do that in front of them." so he was like "oh hey, sorry ladies, sorry." so we say it's ok and walk by and one of the guy says to another (referring to me) "hey she had boobs!" it was pretty funny.
downtown is grand. i intend to spend ample time there this summer. anyone want to come with? uhm stefante, lets go to the airport again, ok? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2004|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Norah Jones - The Long Day is Over | ] |
i am just extremely smug right now. i had my first appointment with my psychologist today and it was by far the best thing that has happened to me in a long while. first we had to fill out some papers. one of the questions was "What brought you here today?" well here's what my mom wrote: "extreme under achievement." what the eff???? i watched her write it but i didnt say anything because she'd get pissed. so she filled out some more stuff and then we went in and talked to the lady about policy and confidentiality and stuff. then my parents went in and talked to her without me there. then i went in and talked to her without my parents. the first thing she asked me was why i was here so i explained to her about my drop in grades and all that. she pointed out the "extreme under achievement" statement on the paper and i said that i didn't agree with that at all. she said she didn't either; and it sounded ridiculous. then she said "why didn't you cross it out?" so i told her that i didn't want to do it while my parents were sitting right there. so that was when she came to the conclusion of what the real issue is here.
as she called it i believe, "Misguided parenting."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)
excellent!!! HAHAHAHA. so we went on to talk about it and she told me EVERYTHING that my parents had said. i guess the psychologist had asked them if any of my problems might be related to sex and my dad got this horrified look on his face and looked at my mother who said "i know she has had relationships in the past and i think some have been unrequited. i think she's been hurt." holy hell where did she get that?!?! and i guess they basically went in there insisting that depression is the main factor here and that they pretty much want me on meds. My mom said something like "her physician said it's not depression but i have a list of symptoms printed out off the internet and she matches up. i could show you. i want to see her get on meds if that is what she needs and lead a responsible, productive life." my dad said something to that effect as well. well the psychologist told me that she can obviously SEE that i am not depressed and that my parents are overreacting. she said that my parents are trying to force their own ideals on me and want me to do in my life things that they never got to during their life and childhood. she also said that my parents need to respect me and my morals, ideas, and beliefs, and recognize that i am an individual and NOT THEM. they need to recognize that the things i want and do and the way i do things is not going to be the same as them. she also talked about how my parents need to not be so quick to criticize. That is definitely one problem that i have had with my father. he is so eager to tell me what i could have done, should have done, or didn't do right. She said that needs to stop and there needs to be mutual respect between myself and my parents. my favorite thing she said was this:
"Respect and control are two different things."
i was very open with the psychologist, and she was glad of that. she told me something that my parents had said. my mother said "She is very strong-willed." ok that may be true. but then my father said, "she is very reserved. i think you'll have a hard time getting her to talk." the psychologist said several times over the course of our visit, "Do your parents even know you??? it sure doesn't seem like they do."
so this whole grade issue and stuff related has basically been attributed to the fact that my parents have some issues themselves and are entirely too self involved. i am so glad i am seeing this lady. this is the best thing for me i think. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2004|01:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
summer school is shit. i just sit there doing stupid plackets and talking with katri and sometimes nikki. seibel was supposed to leave packets of work for nikki and i but she didnt and she also didn't show up today so we sat around for an hour and a half and then Mr. Brooks pulled out some packets for us to do and test on. i can't believe i'm doing all this dumb shit just to raise my grade like five percent. it's absolutely ridiculous.
i just hate my life. no joke. being home is fucking terrible. my dad is hitler. he won't even let me keep my bedroom door closed most of the time. for the most part i try not to even talk to my parents, because i am just so unbelievably angry with them. i am mentally unstable right now. i don't even know what to do with myself.
i've hardly talked to anyone since school got out. Shannon did stop by today with a shirt for me that says "I love jesus and jesus loves me" and i fed her taquitos and cookies. i love her. i've also talked to Mr. Landstrom a couple of times as well, which was nice. but that is the extent of my socializing.
summer rawks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2004|07:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jason Mraz - Sleep All Day | ] |
well, diana got home and was able to do my hair. also, being the kind, generous, and loving neighbor that she is, she provided me with a ride so i did not have to take the bus. I am in debt to her. she is wonderful.
marching was wonderful. seriously, i loved it. except when little goober kids would come up and HIT me and tell me to look at them. uh where are your parents??? anyway, i had a great time last night. the city is gorgeous at night.
i have had a good weekend. school is almost out. i hope everything goes well from here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|03:10 pm] |
so i can't find a fucking ride to the goddamn school tonight. i guess i will be taking the bus. and i don't think my mom's even going to the fucking parade.
Diana's not home either so i have to go ridiculously early to get someone to french braid my god damn hair.
it just keeps on raining too, which will make marching and playing (or not) difficult.
also
R.I.P. Ronald Reagan
in all seriousness. He was excellent.
i was named after the guy.
this day is really looking up. |
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| muskrats |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|12:55 pm] |
the last few days have been extremely uneventful.
today is the starlight parade. i think you all should watch it. i will be marching and pretending to play the clarinet.
oh i got i new eyeshadow set that has 45 colors in it. i am going to have so much fun with that!
i am going to eat leftover chinese food now. delicious. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2004|07:41 pm] |
Evan came home with me this afternoon to work on science stuff. wow, we got a lot done. we pressed leaves. that was it. then my mom went and got us taco bell and it was magnificent. my mom left to my sister's softball game and evan and i just hung out. i signed his yearbook. i wrote a half a page in very small print. :) i had stuff to say.
Then Jon Pauly called so i talked to him for a while, and Evan talked to him, and then Jon walked over to my house. we ate some marshmallows and talked about stuff, and then Evan had to go. Jon and i hung out for a while longer, we played the "teen" game, and i played songs for him on the piano. Then i told him he had to go just in case my mom were to come home early. so i'm here alone now; and i had an excellent afternoon.
I have a book project due tomorrow that i should probably start on. luckily i am doing the project on a great book; The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. If you haven't already read that book, please do. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2004|12:39 pm] |
hm my hair is getting long! maybe long enough to finally wear it down sometime this week? i just don't know.
today i am totally going on a make-up buying spree. it's been far too long since i have purchased some new lipgloss, and i think i'm going to get some new eye makeup as well. there are some good products on sale at rite-aid so that's totally where i'm headed. and maybelline "wet shine" products are buy one get one free at walgreens!!!! thank god i have money. :) it is fun to be shallow. |
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| birthday greetings |
[May. 26th, 2004|04:30 pm] |
Happy Birthday Darrel!
you rock hardcore.
and also,
Happy Birthday Stevie!
yours is smaller cuz i'm kind of annoyed with you. |
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| boiled peyote buttons |
[May. 25th, 2004|08:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "if you only knew just what he could do..." | ] |
well that actually did not go too badly. she just took me out to dinner and we talked. i am not getting kicked off the program; not yet. she voiced her concerns, which i can definitely understand. and i told her that i am honestly working on doing what i can to get my grades taken care of. she definitely has some reservations about sending me away for a year. so it still might not happen. she is going to talk to the district committee about it evidently and see what they think. if i can really hold my end of the deal and get my grades raised high enough, then i will probably be able to go. she wants me to talk to my school counselor by the end of the week, and she also wants me to get scheduled to see a psychologist.
uh, that makes me sound like she thinks i'm troubled or nutty or something. that's not it. i agree with her that it might be good to get some things worked out with the help of a psychologist. i have issues with my dad, as most of you know, and i have control issues, and just my lack of motivation is a problem. i think it could be a good solution. i hope something works.
i'm listening to an mp3 of adam carolla singing the theme to Taboo 2. this never fails to make me laugh. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2004|04:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | peaceful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nickelback - Figured You Out | ] |
........ god damnit i'm still alive. will nothing go the way i want it to?
so... one hour till the moment of truth. I don't even know what to think. i don't know what i'll say to her either. that's basically the general consensus for my life right now. my current existence can be easily summed up by the phrase "i don't know."
but i had a good day today. :) i have been generally happy lately, which is a good thing. i've just been feeling more... myself lately. and i've been making a conscious effort not to overreact about things or let people get to me. it seems to be working too.
today in health we were practicing ways to say no to sex! and so the lady gave us cue cards and one person had the statement and the other person had the comeback. she called our duos one by one. i had already read the response on my card and laughed my ass off. so the lady calls our number and the CREEPY guy behind me stands up with me. here is the quote of the day:
him: "c'mon, it'll only take a minute!!!"
me: (in monotone voice) What am i? a microwave?
it was the funniest thing in the world.
________________________________________________________________________________
life seems ok for the moment. it's definitely nice to feel like people care about you. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2004|06:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blink-182 - Reckless Abandon | ] |
so why don't i just fucking kill myself now? i think i should.
i'm pretty sure i'm getting kicked off the exchange program. the lady from my club called me tonite and says "i would like to talk to you. when are you available?" so we're going to dinner tomorrow night. this is terrible. all this ridiculousness because of a few bad grades, which i still attribute to absences. but no one will listen to me. and the lady has already talked to my mom, which is just grand. so she has heard my parents side before mine. she doesn't sound too happy.
i don't know though; maybe it's better that i do get kicked off. i just don't know if my heart's in it anymore. i don't quite know where my heart is right now. the truth is i can't actually picture myself going. but i also can't picture myself staying here. maybe that's a bad sign. the thing i have a problem with is being known as "the kid who got kicked off foreign exchange." and of course everyone would ask why... it would suck. i am just so confused right now.
so the fine combination of this and the thing with the person i've mentioned in past entries is just boosting my feelings of self worth, not to mention my will to live!!!
i honestly hope that i go to sleep tonite and do not wake up in the morning. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2004|02:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Celine Dion - Just a Little Bit of Love | ] |
i am unimaginably bored right now. i would really rather not clean my room though.
my dad is a douche bag. i had left a pair of flip-flops in the living room last night. he was getting ready to vacuum this morning, so he brings the flip-flops in to my room and just throws them on the floor so they made this huge "smack!" noise and shook the floor and woke me up. he hates it when i sleep so it was all a great deniable ploy to wake me up. hes just a dick.
i wish someone would call me. i am just bored to death. i wish i was allowed to go somewhere. this sucks.
( another survey you won't read ) |
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